The "Fat" Question

Well, my five-year old son threw me for a loop this morning when I pulled out his winter coat for the first time for him to wear to preschool. He put it on, zipped it, then asked,"Do I look fat in this?" It was a thick down jacket, and yes, he looked fatter than when he was NOT wearing it, but I'm not sure why he asked this question.

I do not think I have EVER asked this of anyone in my house. Before my husband and I were married we agreed on certain things I would prefer not to discuss with him. One of those things was my weight. And like a true gentleman, he has never remarked in any way but complimentary about my appearance. Sometimes he stays silent, but that is acceptable. We have very different tastes.

Now, my children, on the other hand are brutally honest. My son asked me, very innocently, to 'move my big butt,' one day. OK. After dropping 25 pounds recently he's now announced I no longer have the biggest butt in the house. Daddy does. I hate to say it, but that's very satisfying to know. He would even bring out a tape measure to be "accurate."

I just remembered...he had a buttock photo fetish, too. He was forever snapping pictures of butts! (Digital cameras have really raised the level of picture taking to an art! LOL) I printed one pic of my tuckus, put it in a frame and left it on his dresser. He was so mortified. Then he put it on his sister's dresser. (She contributed to his buttocks obsession by taking photographs of her grandpa's rear.) so she may have deserved the butt picture on her dresser, too.

The picture finally ended up on their dad's bedside table where it still remains.

A Good Writer's Block?

It occurred to me the other day while I was on a walk that what authors write in their fiction stories may cause friction in their everyday lives. I've never written an adult fiction story but I have written some children's stories with my daughter and son and have some ideas for picture books I would also like to write and illustrate. In those stories my kids had a role. There could be no doubt they were part of the story. Things they did or said were included in the stories. I only recently thought about developing a mature novel. (I wanted to write "adult novel" but that sounded pornographic.) This is mainly because on reaching middle age I've started to reflect on my past and have started to revise bygone situations more to my liking. This should be harmless. No one yet can see inside my head to know what I'm thinking. But taking it a step beyond the brain and recording it on paper/monitor makes it "real." The friction begins when said spouse believes what is written is the truth, not merely a more interesting version of it.

I wonder how many romance novel authors get divorces because of what they've described in a steamy love scene? Is what they're describing what they're experiencing? If yes, then the spouse may feel pride in the description. If no, what are they supposed to feel? Humility?

I read The Divine Comedy several years ago and it always amused me how Dante Alighieri would put contemporaries in various levels of hell! I thought that was a funny prank to play on ass-ociates. But from my new point of view he must have pissed off a lot of people. And how did those folks in hell feel when they read the book? How about members of their family? Did they chuckle? Did they stew and carry a grudge? Everyone now and at the time understands it was a work of fiction. But still, to be publicly pilloried by an acquaintance? That's problematic.

So now considering what I would write in a story I'm curious how much is actual nonfiction in others' writing??? I used to encourage my students to "write what they know." I KNOW my husband would be suspicious. I think he is curious about my relationships prior to our first date. I was very lucky to have dated gentlemen ( yes, even at age 15-21 they were courteous.) who treated me with the utmost decency. I wouldn't change a thing about any of those relationships, even in my imagination.

In 23 years I've never given my husband any reason to BE suspicious. I've never been tempted to change a thing about our lives together. (Warning: the following is a reference to Stephanie Meyers' Twilight Saga.) Honestly, he IS my Edward Cullen. I never met anyone who I could imagine loving or wanting more. But Middle Age does funny things to people. I actually GET why people do weird things to recapture their youth, And though I still don't have any desire for anyone but Tim, a Jacob Black, from across the ocean, has crept into my thoughts. And it's this untested relationship (from exactly 2 decades ago!) that has me creating a story that absolutely did not happen! And it boils down to if I had been the person I am today- 20 years ago, and taken those risks I backed away from then, how would my life be different? That would be the fictional story. For the time being I prefer vampires over werewolves without a doubt. For the sake of my beloved maybe a writer's block should be instituted.

Big Brother Is Watching

I'm definitely channeling my mother. I don't let my 5-year or 9-year old watch regular TV shows. They watch an hour of PBS and The Clone Wars on Friday night. [TCW is thanks to my hubby.] They are allowed to watch DVDs. I'm opposed to regular TV mostly because of the ads. (There really isn't much on between 7-9pm that is child appropriate, either.) And not so much the adds for stuff but the adds for other shows that are on TV. Thankfully neither child complains because they've never known anything different. But how long can I protect them? And from what exactly am I protecting them? My mother was protecting our virgin eyes and ears and I think I'm trying to do something similar. I feel like I'm alone in my views.

At a party the other day I asked how old children should be when they get their first cell phone. I'd already had this discussion with my daughter when SHE asked me this. My reply was when she could afford to pay the monthly bill that came along with the phone. I was surprised at how young some of the other mothers' kids were when they first got a cell phone. I have a real problem with cell phones in the hands of adolescents. I don't think most kids have any idea of the repercussions of sharing an innocent/sinister picture of an embarrassing moment.

When I was in high school I was on the basketball team. It took quite a while for me to be comfortable even disrobing in front of other females much less showering with them. Then there was an incident involving some boys peering through open windows in the locker room after a practice. I was mortified! Now anyone can snap a picture at anytime. And once that picture is posted there's no removing from someone's brain. The utter lack of privacy is frightening. And I truly believe there is a connection between what kids are seeing on TV through "reality" shows, that allow cameras to view what should be extremely private moments, and what they choose to photograph and post online. It's funny how often I have these thoughts and an article in the Discover magazine supports my fears.

Discover asked a number of scientists where they thought science may take us in the next 30 years. Sherry Turkle, "a professor of the social studies of science at MIT," said it so perfectly. "We need to reclaim our private spaces." This generation believes that their privacy will be compromised but also believes that's the "cost of doing business in their world." So all the surveillance cameras, satellite photos, GPS and Loopt (I'd never heard of this but its an app for your phone which allows your friends to locate you wherever you are.) are not feared but cheered! It's so easy to see the convenience of these gadgets but is that what we really want? Big Brother IS watching, along with your best friends, acquaintances, colleagues...etc. For those of us who read Orwell's 1984 a few years BEFORE it was 1984 never considered this kind of constant benign(?) scrutiny possible.

I understand the entertainment value of Facebook and Twitter. I do enjoy reading about what people I know are doing. I don't post or read posts as much as I initially did. I realized that some thoughts should be kept private or blogged- where people who are truly interested can read them without taking offense.

I would love to get a Master's degree in Teen Privacy Issues and develop an educational course to restore independent thought. It's time to start considering career paths...my 5-year old will be starting school next year. I'm not sure I want to go back to the elementary school teacher role. My 11 years were so much fun but I feel...older...and should do something more philanthropic. Hopefully as I write more often I'll discover a direction to go.

M...The 1931 Movie...Relevant Today?

We at the Teeter house finally succumbed to the lure of Netflix. This was prompted by friends who recommended it and the fact that the video store less than a mile from our house closed. We've enjoyed watching movies we would probably never have watched. I enjoy old, black and white movies along with foreign films with subtitles. I chose to watch M a German film directed by Fritz Lang in 1931. The movie's description cites it as the first "serial killer" movie. Yet I still watched it even after learning this.

What was surprising was how timely and relevant the movie still is! The last spoken words are "One has to keep closer watch over the children!" Then the screen goes black and these words appear in white, 'All of you!' My husband and I occasionally discuss whether child molestation took place as frequently in the past. He believes it was not as prevalent as it is in our "modern" time. I disagree saying we only hear about it more often. So I was surprised when this movie involved a child serial killer. You never see what he does to these girls and you only discover later- through the police- he has killed them. What makes the movie remarkable is WHO brings the murderer to "justice."

Since the police have no leads to the identity of this murderer they frequently raid the underbelly establishments of this unnamed German city. The criminals who run these businesses are losing money because of the raids. So they meet and decide to hunt for the killer. This is the most exciting part of the movie. They have a huge network of "spies" looking for a man who befriends a girl who is alone. And through this network they are able to trap the killer.

Once captured they bring the man to trial in an abandoned warehouse. It's quite a powerful scene. Oddly enough they provide the defendant with an attorney! And the lawyer presents a powerful defense! Nonetheless I personally am just disgusted and saddened when I hear about any kind of abuse of kids. That includes the "kids' who are abused by classmates/bullies. I don't think I am alone. Yet most of the audience has committed horrible crimes themselves!

Tim and I can usually find some common ground in our debate about the increasing numbers of crimes against kids. He did not watch the movie with me, but I shared the gist of the movie with him. He wasn't nearly as amazed as I was by the message in this 1931 movie. I think if this issue was important enough to make a movie about in the 1930s it was probably an important issue in reality.

Bread-Making Mishaps

For my birthday-in April- my sister sent me a book called Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day. We had discussed this on the phone before it arrived unexpectedly. Mary, my sister, raved about how easy it was to make and how everyone at her house LOVED this bread. So when it came I was anxious to get started.
Well, I read the introduction several times and was a little confused. My sister is/was/has been an avid bread maker. I remember her wonderful homemade wheat bread that she would make when she was home from College for the summer. She ALWAYS made it look so simple. On reflection, I probably didn't notice the effort she actually put IN to prepare the loaf. I was given a bread-maker for Christmas at least 10 years ago. During that time I tried several times and never made anything edible, much less appetizing. It always SMELLED good, though.

Over the past month or so I've been gathering 5-minute-a day bread-making equipment. Pizza Peel. In 44 years I have never heard anyone using this baking instrument. It's a big wooden paddle almost as big as my 4-year old son. Dough Scraper. 5-quart plastic storage container- not airtight, Cornmeal. The last item/ingredient I purchased was the yeast. Try finding the yeast at your grocery store. At the store closest to my abode the yeast was located in a refrigerated section above the sour cream. Silly me, I scoured the flour section. The entire recipe for The Master Recipe: Boule was warm water, yeast, kosher salt, and flour. How could I mess this up??? I'd read the directions at least a dozen times.

The mixing was easy with the wonderful Kitchen Aid Mixer. Six cups of flour was made into dough quickly. It was very sticky, but I got it in that plastic container. I put it right in the refrigerator. It said if this was the first time making this recipe it was best to keep in the 'fridge overnight. Well about 4 hours later it occurs to me I think the dough was supposed to raise for a couple hours before I put it in the cold. Indeed, I was to let it raise at room temp. for two hours! I searched online trying to find if anyone else had made this mistake. I found a nice blog, http://www.adventuresinshaw.com/2008/11/artisan-boule-bread/ and there I found the authors of the book had their OWN site: http://www.artisanbreadinfive.com/ where I found thousands of questions and comments. And ERRORS! The authors had a page about errors they made in their book. One of which was yeast amount: the recipe called for 1.5 packets of yeast. The recipe SHOULD read 1.5 tablespoons which equals 2 packets. So now, my bread has never risen and I don't have enough yeast! I finally decided to phone the expert: my sister.

Mary suggested I turn the oven on to warm it and put the dough inside when I could touch the racks without injury. I did that and there it stayed until my husband came to bed and woke me up. He put it back in the refrigerator at 12:30. It had been out "rising" for almost 6 hours and had only raised a couple inches. I was not optimistic. This was enough dough to make small loaves of boule bread for 5 days! I was so disappointed.

The next day I persevered and brought that dough out to prepare my first bread. The book said this step- pulling out the dough in a grapefruit-size ball- should take no more that 60 seconds. I don't know if it was all my missteps but I sprinkled flour on the top of the dough and made a grab for it. OK. Getting the dough was no problem. Getting the dough off my hand was a problem! I called my daughter to come to the kitchen and flour my hands! We did this about 4 times as I transferred the dough from left to right. I formed a ball as best I could and plunked the mass onto the cornmeal covered pizza peel. I used my serrated knife to make cuts across the surface of the ball. My sis had advised me to make nice deep cuts. Which I did successfully even though I neglected to make it easier by sprinkling flour on the top as the recipe suggested. What more could I do wrong. Well, I checked the directions and I was supposed to let the bread rise on the pizza peel for 1hour and 40 minutes THEN make the slashes!!!

I kept expecting/hoping to see some magnificent ballooning action by my pitiful pile of dough. I swear the size of the dough schmutz never changed. During this time my chicken was cooking in the oven and I borrowed an oven thermometer from my neighbor to see if my oven was accurate in its degrees. It was about 2-3 degrees hotter than the dial read. The book said it was important to know the temp. quirks of your oven. I'm not sure how I was supposed to adjust the temp... It's finally time to put the bread onto the cooking stone that's been warming up in the oven.

I must say it slid right off the pizza peel. I closed the oven and started to prepare a veggie. But, seconds later I remembered to add a cup of water to the broiler pan on the top rack of the oven. Because this bread bakes with steam.

I kept checking on it while we ate dinner. The bread did not finish until we were done eating and my hubby was just reaching for the leftover Italian bread. I told him he had to wait. Seconds later I pulled a beautiful round loaf of bread- I wished I'd photographed-out of the oven and let it cool. We sliced it up and even with ALL my goofs this bread was so good and it was devoured completely!

That is the point of this bread. It's in the refrigerator waiting to be made for 4 additional dinners within 2 weeks. I'm not exactly sure how they determine it takes only 5 minutes a day because it has to rise for 1:40 plus add 30 minutes of baking time. BUT it's all worth it. Warm bread for dinner: priceless.

Please, Please, Please Can We Go Home?

My husband just asked me if the kids were good today. I didn't give them glowing reviews, but reflecting on the day now, maybe I should have.

The day started out for them at the library. My kids LOVE books and Sarah is avidly reading on her own. Mostly Magic Treehouse books at the moment. Jacob had Storytime for 45 minutes-during which they showed a video!!!!- so I chatted with a friend and Sarah selected books then sat with friends on some beanbag chairs and read. Very relaxing.

Then we went to WalMart and that's when their calmness started to wane...I stopped to talk to a former colleague and they just went nuts! They didn't actually bother us, but they did end up rolling on the floor and squealing. Thankfully we did not have a very long grocery list. And we headed to Bob Evans for lunch.

Sarah had earned a free meal from B. Evans through her Summer Reading program and Tim doesn't like BE so that's where we went. Now I don't particularly like Bob Evans because of the food choices and the manager who once asked Jacob while we were waiting for our food if he was having lunch with his grandmother!!! Besides that everytime Sarah has eaten there she's thrown up there! Glad we had the free coupon...I do not like that place...not even their coffee! The kids were back to calm because I allowed them to bring a library book in with them. From there we headed to the the Kitchen Collection store in the mall.

Thinking about it now...why would ANY kid enjoy going to a kitchen store. I was looking for a pizza peel. My sister had given me a book Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day and a pizza peel was one item that was necessary. I didn't even know what that was. It's a big wood paddle! My son was sooooo excited to be carrying this thing around until I finally had to take it from him before he hurt someone. I made them go up and down every aisle. It's not a big store, but still. The fact that no one whined makes them little angels.

Then back in the car...it's still cold and rainy- not drizzle- rainy...I bargain with the kids that we'll only stop to shop the Applefest Craft Fair if I can find a prime parking spot. I had to go to Franklin anyway to drop a TV off at the Salvation Army. We found a choice spot and armed (and footed)with two umbrellas, rubber puddle-jumpers and hoods up we were off. It was the best Applefest Craft Show I'd been to for a long time simply because there were NO crowds! Unfortunately for the kids it meant I could take my time browsing. The rain never let up. Every fifth vendor Jacob would say, "Please, Please, Please Can We Go Home?" I kept promising we just had a few more tents to peruse. I promised hot chocolate when we got home. Of course when we got home I had to put groceries away and hang up all the wet coats and clothes before I could make them ther warm milk.

It's funny how easy it is to make kids happy. They had hot chocolate with marshmallows and cheeze snacks and were so delighted.

My original assessment of their behavior today was way off. They were wonderful and I wouldn't want them to be any other way.

Power of Words

My mother was wordy. She would get on the phone and talk to friends for hours. As a kid I really couldn't understand what on earth she could talk about for so long? As a maturing adult and mother I'm finally getting it. Words comfort and confuse, inform and instruct, destroy and damage. Not speaking at all can do all the same things. Words do much, much more than I've listed here, but this is a good place for me to start.

I wonder what my mother recognized about herself in me? My daughter is only 7, yet besides looking a lot like me, I see her social side being very similar to mine at seven. She's quiet and reserved. Some would label her shy. But shy she is not: she willingly performed in front of hundreds of people in dance recitals. She banged out "When the Saints Go Marching in" at her piano recital and never had one butterfly flutter through her stomach. I'm like that, too. What gregarious people don't know about us quiet types is often we just don't know WHAT to say. I used to avoid people I knew when I would spot them in public places. I'm sure the word snob was used more than once in a discussion about me. It's only been the last 10 years I've understood this about myself. Then my mom passed away 5 years ago and since then I've rarely NOT known what to say to people. Here's the point I want to make: that person you think is uppity because they don't speak to you may simply not know what to say. I used to think that about some folks. Then it occurred to me that I don't speak to them: why should I expect them to speak to me? I'm hoping my daughter jumps this hurdle well before I pass on. I had great fun in grade/jr./high school and college but I still wonder how things would have been different if I'd been who I am now back then.

Continuing on with the power of words, I've been boning up on my Leonard Cohen. My cousin is a huge fan. Mr. Cohen is in his 70s and I'd never heard of him until recently and was quite surprised to find some of my contemporaries were also fans. (I just reread my first sentence- no double entendre intended.) Sorry Sally, but I'm not a big fan of his sound, but his musical messages are phenomenal...Democracy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OETwbVBPI1U
is one of those songs. Click here for the lyrics: http://www.lyricstime.com/leonard-cohen-democracy-lyrics.html
I'm not sure when this song first came out but it's message is so relevant today. Being patriotic is great but it's not the same as being democratic which was the goal of our founding fathers. Dictionary.com's definition of democracy- a state of society characterized by formal equality of rights and privileges. As long as we are all part of the US we need to find some way of leveling the equality of rights and privileges. The folks trying to bolster democracy in the US are often called Socialists. There's a powerful word right there. I'm sure that word strikes fear in the heart of baby boomers and their parents. I had a HUGE fear of socialists/communists/USSR because of a 4th grade Sunday school teacher who described a nuclear holocaust for us. Of course it was perfectly OK that WE had nuclear weapons. We wouldn't use them for anything other than to protect ourselves. I had nightmares and lost sleep for I can't remember how long worrying about that final blast. Communism. Socialism. Democracy. Republic. Capitalism. They are just words. And all of them are noble in their goals. The problem begins and continues when those given the power to implement these forms of government forget about their constituency as a whole and use it to give power, wealth, and security to a select group. Now, I'll bet that most people do not want or seek extraordinary amounts of power or wealth. We know that happiness doesn't involve either of those things. But the security of knowing your basic needs and the needs of family and friends and neighbors will be met IS a huge component of a civil society. Mighty civilizations have crumbled when disparity between the haves and have-nots crushes their spirits and they rise up in revolt. There's another powerful word: revolt. American Revolution- a good thing. Economic Revolution- inevitable. I've written before about my absolute revolt when I see what bankers, CEOs, celebritiesand athletes are paid. I keep thinking about the people I think should be making ungodly amounts of money. They perform services I could never in a million years do myself. Some include: dental hygienists, sanitation workers- anybody who has to clean up after hundreds/thousands of other people, pilots-the stress must be overwhelming, hair stylists-check out people on the street... would you really want to run your fingers through their hair?, any doctor who must examine body parts that are normally hidden- again check out people on the street- yikes! I've lost my way a bit here...politics gets me fired up.

Then there's the power of words used specifically to destroy: the disrespect given politicians. I understand free speech. But some free speech may be hurting our political system. Democrat or Republican: I feel the same for former President Bush as I do for President Obama. They are the leaders of our country. Treat them with the respect due someone who has agreed to take on this daunting job. Why would anyone want to sunject themselves to this kind of ridicule? I really believe by constantly monitoring their every word and action we are draining the pool of qualified candidates to lead our country. The worst part is somehow we believe our President should know EVERYTHING about every subject. I've written about this before. It should be OK for ANYONE in a position of power to answer a questions by saying:"I don't know the answer to that. It's a good question. I'll have to do some research."

You know, I suppose for many this is blah, blah, blah. But it's good therapy to get out things that my brain believes needs airing. I think of the best subjects to blog about when I'm in the shower or driving the car. Then when I have time to sit and type it's not nearly as good as what I'd composed in my cranium.

To finish, being wordy is a wonderful talent to have. My late mother was a fantastic conversationalist. I rarely heard her say a bad word about another person or even situation. And for a woman who talked a lot in her 76 years that's a fantastic achievement. I hope my daughter and I follow in her colloquial steps.