I remember as a child having an aversion to using public restrooms. It may have stemmed from an incident when I was about 10 at a local department store known as Westons. I had to go soooooooo bad and the restroom was out in the section between the two sets of entrance doors. So my mom sent me out but stayed inside the store where she could see me. I rushed in the door and saw some things I'd never seen in a restroom before. But never having visited public bathrooms I just figured it was something for the public, other than me. So I went into the stall and quickly relieved myself and stepped out the door when I got an instant education on what those odd contraptions were; yes, I'd gone into the men's restroom! I'll bet the guying using what I learned was a URINAL was rather surprised, too. I wish I could say this was the only time this ever happened but I cannot...See final paragraph for details.
I was not and STILL am not comfortable using public or other people's restrooms. My children don't seem to have that affliction. In fact, they both seem mildly to wildly curious about foreign bathrooms, especially at restaurants. When a Bob Evans restaurant opened locally we were pleased since both kids would rather eat breakfast foods in the evening than in the morning. Our first trip there Sarah must have been having some intestinal issues because we were IN that bathroom more than we were out. On one trip in another stall was already occupied. I'm just standing against the sink waiting for Sarah when I hear someone ralph. The sound bringing the food up is terrible but the resultant splash was just plain nauseating. I started praying Sarah would get done soon. She did not and I had to stand there listening to some poor woman continually refunding* her meal. Now at some point I'm going to start vomiting or laughing. You can imagine which one. If you can't imagine, let's just say there were no refunds for me.
I'm establishing a brief history of restroom experiences to lay the groundwork for the first day of my Senior year of high school. The only reason I would go into a restroom at school was for the sole purpose of checking my hair. (This was the Farrah Fawcett years.) So I'm fluffing my hair when I hear the loudest, longest fart I'd ever heard. (And my father was the "Pull My Finger King".) I froze mid-fluff, knowing I should clear out of there immediately. But, no, another person came in so I had to wait it out to make sure that person KNEW it wasn't me that made that sound or caused the noxious odor. It was someone I knew and not a few seconds later another atomic fart was discharged. By then I was trying so hard not to laugh I was crying- messing up my eyeliner- and my nose was running. We both got out and leaned against the wall laughing. I never did discover who was in that stall and I certainly hope I never entertain anyone in that capacity. Having a good friend who was the Fart Queen I'm not sure why this was especially funny? Maybe it was like the unknown comic who wore a paper bag over his head. It was the unknown farter.
My most recent trip into the men's room occurred in the early 90s. I was at a breakfast conference at the Bel Aire Hotel. It's the Avalon Hotel now. Having knocked back a few coffees I really needed to visit "the necessary" during our break. But being in a large dining room with a few hundred women I knew my chances at being first in line were bleak. So my girlfriend and I were going to look for some other restrooms farther away when I said, surprised, 'Look there's no line." and in I went. I came out and my friend was doubled over laughing. Excited I asked, 'what?', dying to be let in on the joke. My friend said I'd gone in the Men's Room. I said no, I saw --men when I went in but just assumed it had a w-o- before it. She said she stopped a guy from going in! It was kind of her to spare me any embarrassment because she embarrassed the heck out of me when we were leaving Andy's Pub one night and announced to everyone we passed, "She needs a pad." and pointed at me. Oh, I do miss Maryellen at times...
I know some folk are offending by this sort of humor but even today I can't NOT laugh when I hear a toot.
Hormonally yours,
Peg
*Thanks to my friend, Jamie, who used this word when describing her family's week.
About Me
- Peg
- Pennsylvania, United States
- What changes hath time wrought...mostly a different hair-color, a few wrinkles and loss of short-term memory.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Still Laughing Part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBtcfAppKoQ&NR=1
I've come up with a few more laugh memories. This link is to a clip from the movie "Neighbors"--- John Belushi's last movie. I could have sworn Belushi was given a dirty cereal bowl, thus proving that when we recall memories we substitute our own details (sometimes). In fact I thought Ackroyd's whole house was filthy, but again, my memory failed me. This clip made me chuckle, not howl, like the first time I saw it on the big screen in a movie theater.
I'm anxious to see if I embedded this youtube video correctly. More laugh memories later...I have to get the OK from a friend because it included her and some underwear...
Hormonally yours,
Peg
I've come up with a few more laugh memories. This link is to a clip from the movie "Neighbors"--- John Belushi's last movie. I could have sworn Belushi was given a dirty cereal bowl, thus proving that when we recall memories we substitute our own details (sometimes). In fact I thought Ackroyd's whole house was filthy, but again, my memory failed me. This clip made me chuckle, not howl, like the first time I saw it on the big screen in a movie theater.
I'm anxious to see if I embedded this youtube video correctly. More laugh memories later...I have to get the OK from a friend because it included her and some underwear...
Hormonally yours,
Peg
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Laughs Just Keep Coming: Part 1
I have some special memories that I haven't retrieved for a while- until yesterday. My son fell off a short stool onto the floor. That in itself isn't that amusing but the fact I saw him one second and I looked away and caught just the tail end of him disappearing from view in the next second just makes me chuckle. He bumped his chin on the way down so I did pick him up (He' s five.) and comfort him (I'm not completely callous.) but not without a concerted effort to not laugh. I finally asked him if I could laugh. He gave me the evil eye. But when I explained, unabashedly howling, WHY it was funny even he giggled. This wasn't the first time he's gone down and I found myself restraining prolonged laughter remembering...
We were at the grocery store, in the cereal aisle, and Jacob was hanging on the side of the cart. I don't know if he just lost his grip and footing at the same time but he did a 360 and fell out of sight. It was bad enough that I saw it but an elderly lady came by, asked if he was OK and SHE chuckled about how he went down so quickly. He has this, almost ballet-ic, grace when he stumbles. --Oh, I still laugh when I consider these "now you see hims, now you don't." These memories were playing in my head when I went to bed last night. Instead of sleeping I was trying to remember some other situations that STILL make me laugh.
The first one that came to mind happened a LONG time ago (late 70s/early 80s?), in church. Father Weible. By all accounts Father was a very nice man but a bit challenged by personal hygiene practices. We were up close and personal with Father this Saturday night since my mother always claimed the third seat from the front for her family. So there we were right under Father Weible's nose as he prepared to begin his sermon. He took his glasses out of his pocket, unfolded them and positioned them on his face. He did this carefully because HIS GLASSES ONLY HAD ONE LEG!!!!!! Now when you are 12, or so, this is majorly funny. Because glasses then were made out of glass and heavy so they tilted to one side. He wouldn't adjust them, either. They just remained cock-eyed. And because you are supposed to be quiet in church all conditions were met for severe cramping from holding in laughter. I still have some pretty good laughs about this so keeping them contained back then must have required an abdominal workout. I remember ducking down frequently, like we'd dropped something, to mask snickers. I think Father has passed on but he'll never be forgotten.
I laughed about this when I recalled it last night, now it only makes me smile: It's easy to get the giggles at church because, well, you're not supposed to do it! I remember we were sitting behind a family with some small children and small children like to check out the congregation behind them when they're at church. So while we were kneeling, this little boy turns completely around to face us and I look down at his feet and he has these enormous rubber galoshes (remember this would be the 70s) ON THE WRONG FEET! The fact that this kid was so small and the boots were so big and OBVIOUSLY on the wrong feet made it just hilarious. Luckily, when you're kneeling it's easy to hide you face in your hands. But unlike the glasses in the story above which were stashed back in Father's pocket I had to look at those boots for the rest of Mass!
I've changed my mind, I still laugh out loud about that one, too. Here's another gut-buster I still remember so perfectly...
I worked at a Holiday Inn as a restaurant hostess in the late 80s. From my desk I could see down the hall past the bar entrance to the restrooms. One slow evening I was straightening the items on my desk when I heard some noise down the hall and I peered toward the restroom when I saw a woman come out with the bottom of her skirt shoved in the waistband of her hose!!! I started to run down the hall to tell her but halfway there I collapsed into giggles and couldn't stop. I didn't want to embarrass her. In fact my mission had originally been to try and SPARE her embarrassment. I remember going directly into the kitchen to share this vision. No one could understand what I was saying because I was laughing so hard. I finally made myself understood but not before half the kitchen was in hysterics. It's funny how contagious hilarity is.
Oh, how good intentions go out the door when a psycho sense of humor strikes.
This seems awfully long so I'm going to have to do this in installments. Then if my mind starts to fail me, even more so than it is, I'll have a record of the things that made me laugh.
Hormonally yours,
Peg
We were at the grocery store, in the cereal aisle, and Jacob was hanging on the side of the cart. I don't know if he just lost his grip and footing at the same time but he did a 360 and fell out of sight. It was bad enough that I saw it but an elderly lady came by, asked if he was OK and SHE chuckled about how he went down so quickly. He has this, almost ballet-ic, grace when he stumbles. --Oh, I still laugh when I consider these "now you see hims, now you don't." These memories were playing in my head when I went to bed last night. Instead of sleeping I was trying to remember some other situations that STILL make me laugh.
The first one that came to mind happened a LONG time ago (late 70s/early 80s?), in church. Father Weible. By all accounts Father was a very nice man but a bit challenged by personal hygiene practices. We were up close and personal with Father this Saturday night since my mother always claimed the third seat from the front for her family. So there we were right under Father Weible's nose as he prepared to begin his sermon. He took his glasses out of his pocket, unfolded them and positioned them on his face. He did this carefully because HIS GLASSES ONLY HAD ONE LEG!!!!!! Now when you are 12, or so, this is majorly funny. Because glasses then were made out of glass and heavy so they tilted to one side. He wouldn't adjust them, either. They just remained cock-eyed. And because you are supposed to be quiet in church all conditions were met for severe cramping from holding in laughter. I still have some pretty good laughs about this so keeping them contained back then must have required an abdominal workout. I remember ducking down frequently, like we'd dropped something, to mask snickers. I think Father has passed on but he'll never be forgotten.
I laughed about this when I recalled it last night, now it only makes me smile: It's easy to get the giggles at church because, well, you're not supposed to do it! I remember we were sitting behind a family with some small children and small children like to check out the congregation behind them when they're at church. So while we were kneeling, this little boy turns completely around to face us and I look down at his feet and he has these enormous rubber galoshes (remember this would be the 70s) ON THE WRONG FEET! The fact that this kid was so small and the boots were so big and OBVIOUSLY on the wrong feet made it just hilarious. Luckily, when you're kneeling it's easy to hide you face in your hands. But unlike the glasses in the story above which were stashed back in Father's pocket I had to look at those boots for the rest of Mass!
I've changed my mind, I still laugh out loud about that one, too. Here's another gut-buster I still remember so perfectly...
I worked at a Holiday Inn as a restaurant hostess in the late 80s. From my desk I could see down the hall past the bar entrance to the restrooms. One slow evening I was straightening the items on my desk when I heard some noise down the hall and I peered toward the restroom when I saw a woman come out with the bottom of her skirt shoved in the waistband of her hose!!! I started to run down the hall to tell her but halfway there I collapsed into giggles and couldn't stop. I didn't want to embarrass her. In fact my mission had originally been to try and SPARE her embarrassment. I remember going directly into the kitchen to share this vision. No one could understand what I was saying because I was laughing so hard. I finally made myself understood but not before half the kitchen was in hysterics. It's funny how contagious hilarity is.
Oh, how good intentions go out the door when a psycho sense of humor strikes.
This seems awfully long so I'm going to have to do this in installments. Then if my mind starts to fail me, even more so than it is, I'll have a record of the things that made me laugh.
Hormonally yours,
Peg
25 Annoying Things About Me
I posted this May 2009 in the Notes section of my Facebook page. I did it after my dear friend had posted HER 25 "Annoying Things." We both find it quite amusing when people fall (without injury) or trip- #2. I had an attack of #18 while I was in bed last night. I had just turned off the light and I kept envisioning my son doing #2 (below) earlier in the day...this is how the above blog came about...
1. I am a rubbernecker.
2. I find it funny when people (including me) trip and/or fall.
3. I call my husband "idiot" under my breath.
4. All beds must be made.
5. My leftovers don't always make it to the refrigerator in a timely manner.
6. I must be the first to read the newspaper. I hate it when the pages are misaligned.
7. I'm one egg carton away from being an official pack rat.
8. I try to get my kids to say things for my own amusement. Right now we're working on "Roger that" whenever I ask Jacob to do something. Previously, it was "one, two, shooby dooby doo" while playing Candyland. Of course he had to sing it or I wouldn't take my turn.
9. I keep clothes I MAY fit into again. Even if they're 20 years old!
10. I nitpick others' proofreading skills even though mine are average at best.
11. I make one-of-a-kind jewelry from teeth and toenails. (I have a photo if interested!)
12. I LOVE our van. (I know some people probably find THAT annoying!) BUT I seem to bump in to a lot of things i.e. my mother-in-law's car...twice, a truck, the support beam in our garage...to name a few.
13. I chat with the cashier when I'm checking out causing delays for the delightful people behind me.
14. If there is something not right with my meal at the restaurant I always tell the waiter...I always preface it with, "I know it's not your fault..." and hope for the best.
15. I don't watch a lot of TV so when I do watch (The Big Bang Theory) I am very cranky if I'm disturbed.
16. I like to discuss things I've eaten and then encourage others to try these things.
17. I chew or bite the dry skin around my fingernails when I'm anxious.
18. I'll laugh out loud about things I heard or saw hours, days, weeks, years ago.
19. I carry on conversations with my cats: I provide their responses.
20. I can't discuss Harry Potter with people who have only seen the movies.
21. I have a strange fascination with the innards of organisms. I love those medical shows where they show the surgery.
22. I reuse the same knife for a variety of jobs.
23. I wash and reuse plastic ziploc bags.
24. Flushing the toilet in the middle of the night sounds so loud, so I don't. That means Tim wakes to a nice bowl of pee before work every morning.
25. I don't understand why people get so upset when their sports team loses. Honestly, unless you were betting on the game how does it affect your life??? The annoying part is I tell them that.
1. I am a rubbernecker.
2. I find it funny when people (including me) trip and/or fall.
3. I call my husband "idiot" under my breath.
4. All beds must be made.
5. My leftovers don't always make it to the refrigerator in a timely manner.
6. I must be the first to read the newspaper. I hate it when the pages are misaligned.
7. I'm one egg carton away from being an official pack rat.
8. I try to get my kids to say things for my own amusement. Right now we're working on "Roger that" whenever I ask Jacob to do something. Previously, it was "one, two, shooby dooby doo" while playing Candyland. Of course he had to sing it or I wouldn't take my turn.
9. I keep clothes I MAY fit into again. Even if they're 20 years old!
10. I nitpick others' proofreading skills even though mine are average at best.
11. I make one-of-a-kind jewelry from teeth and toenails. (I have a photo if interested!)
12. I LOVE our van. (I know some people probably find THAT annoying!) BUT I seem to bump in to a lot of things i.e. my mother-in-law's car...twice, a truck, the support beam in our garage...to name a few.
13. I chat with the cashier when I'm checking out causing delays for the delightful people behind me.
14. If there is something not right with my meal at the restaurant I always tell the waiter...I always preface it with, "I know it's not your fault..." and hope for the best.
15. I don't watch a lot of TV so when I do watch (The Big Bang Theory) I am very cranky if I'm disturbed.
16. I like to discuss things I've eaten and then encourage others to try these things.
17. I chew or bite the dry skin around my fingernails when I'm anxious.
18. I'll laugh out loud about things I heard or saw hours, days, weeks, years ago.
19. I carry on conversations with my cats: I provide their responses.
20. I can't discuss Harry Potter with people who have only seen the movies.
21. I have a strange fascination with the innards of organisms. I love those medical shows where they show the surgery.
22. I reuse the same knife for a variety of jobs.
23. I wash and reuse plastic ziploc bags.
24. Flushing the toilet in the middle of the night sounds so loud, so I don't. That means Tim wakes to a nice bowl of pee before work every morning.
25. I don't understand why people get so upset when their sports team loses. Honestly, unless you were betting on the game how does it affect your life??? The annoying part is I tell them that.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Your Purse Is Too Heavy If...
--the passenger side seat belt alert light is flashing and only your purse is in that seat.
--you have an indentation in your shoulder that is strap-wide and never fully goes away.
--you switch shoulders only to find that that strap-wide indentation on your other shoulder keeps your purse from sliding down your arm.
--you heave a sigh of relief when you set it down.
--you've put it on the produce scale at the grocery story because you want confirmation it weighs 10 pounds.
--you hand it to your husband to hold and he groans and asks, 'What do you HAVE in there?'
--you think you won't fall on an icy parking lot because of the added weight of your purse.
--you find yourself in some serious pain after stubbing your toe on it.
--you empty it hoping to find something you can permanently remove and only used Kleenexes are eliminated.
--you find yourself wondering how other women can carry those cute, TINY purses.
--you consider the weight of the purse with only the paper wads inside before making a new purse purchase.
--you glare at your husband if he asks if he can put his five pound wallet in your purse.
--if it (inadvertently) knocks over one of the metal poles holding the velvet ropes at the bank.
--you have an indentation in your shoulder that is strap-wide and never fully goes away.
--you switch shoulders only to find that that strap-wide indentation on your other shoulder keeps your purse from sliding down your arm.
--you heave a sigh of relief when you set it down.
--you've put it on the produce scale at the grocery story because you want confirmation it weighs 10 pounds.
--you hand it to your husband to hold and he groans and asks, 'What do you HAVE in there?'
--you think you won't fall on an icy parking lot because of the added weight of your purse.
--you find yourself in some serious pain after stubbing your toe on it.
--you empty it hoping to find something you can permanently remove and only used Kleenexes are eliminated.
--you find yourself wondering how other women can carry those cute, TINY purses.
--you consider the weight of the purse with only the paper wads inside before making a new purse purchase.
--you glare at your husband if he asks if he can put his five pound wallet in your purse.
--if it (inadvertently) knocks over one of the metal poles holding the velvet ropes at the bank.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Laundry Origins
Thursday is Laundry Day. A load of jeans, darks, lights, and whites. I don't know exactly why I noticed it, but the tag on a pair of my jeans, purchased at The Gap outlet store, said they were made in Egypt! With the uproar in Egypt I was surprised to find they manufactured jeans and jeans for women. I decided to check the tags on the remaining clothes for their point of origin. I was really surprised at all the SMALL countries producing clothing for the American market. Here's my "laundry" list:
Egypt
Cambodia
Bangladesh
Madagascar *
Jordan *
Thailand
Malaysia
Vietnam
Pakistan
Maldives *
And of course, China and Mexico
There were a couple amusing tags: One sweater had a label that read "United States Sweaters" then it read Made in China. Another was a decoy because the jeans were "Arizona" brand but made in Bangladesh.
I did have one item Made in USA- a t-shirt from the brand Apt.9. I was just going to check the labels on jeans but when I couldn't find a Made in USA tag I decided to keep looking.
The ones with the asterisks really surprised me. I had to look up Maldives. It sounded vaguely familiar and I hate to admit it, but, I believe I'd heard of it from the Miss World Pageants of my youth. It's a small island chain in the Indian Ocean, just west of India. It's hard to imagine a clothing industry there. It looks tailor-made for the tourist industry.
Those tags piqued my curiostiy. I'm going to keep checking on my world-traveling wardrobe!
Hormonally yours,
Peg
Egypt
Cambodia
Bangladesh
Madagascar *
Jordan *
Thailand
Malaysia
Vietnam
Pakistan
Maldives *
And of course, China and Mexico
There were a couple amusing tags: One sweater had a label that read "United States Sweaters" then it read Made in China. Another was a decoy because the jeans were "Arizona" brand but made in Bangladesh.
I did have one item Made in USA- a t-shirt from the brand Apt.9. I was just going to check the labels on jeans but when I couldn't find a Made in USA tag I decided to keep looking.
The ones with the asterisks really surprised me. I had to look up Maldives. It sounded vaguely familiar and I hate to admit it, but, I believe I'd heard of it from the Miss World Pageants of my youth. It's a small island chain in the Indian Ocean, just west of India. It's hard to imagine a clothing industry there. It looks tailor-made for the tourist industry.
Those tags piqued my curiostiy. I'm going to keep checking on my world-traveling wardrobe!
Hormonally yours,
Peg
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Super Loaf in a Bowl
I made a loaf of bread from scratch today. And it was quite successful. I'm surprised because I had a bread machine and tried a number of times to use it and my loaves always weighed about 5 pounds and were just inedible. I'd never considered making bread from scratch until I recently received a free issue of A Taste of Home February/March 2011 and Dilled Wheat Bread sounded (and looked) delicious.
This was to be my treat for the Super Bowl instead of the usual munchie snacks. I didn't intend to watch the game- it's the ONE thing I can't stand doing with my husband. He has been a Steelers' fan ever since I have known him, as was my mother. He gets so emotional about what happens on the field and uses language that he NEVER utters at any other time. The kids and I went to another room and watched Despicable Me again. (I never tire of that movie.) We go through this all season. I would like to see the Steelers win, also, but I don't really care if they don't. It just doesn't affect my life in any way. It would make Tim much easier to live with if they- the Steelers- didn't flub up so much and wait until the end to pull out a win! But back to the bread...
There were some surprise ingredients in there: cottage cheese. It called for cream-style cottage cheese. Hmmmm. I searched 3 stores and none had "cream style." So I opted for small curd and liquified them in the blender. Another surprise ingredient was minced onion. I had some, but never used them much. So I was a bit concerned and under-measured those a tiny bit. Third, sugar. Other than zucchini or banana bread I don't think I've ever seen sugar added to bread. But it definitely couldn't hurt. Finally, though not a surprise, was the dill. I love dill. I've tried to grow dill. I have a Ranch Oyster Cracker recipe that calls for dill. It just adds something unusual but satisfying to a recipe.
I've started a new habit when trying new recipes: I circle things I would otherwise do improperly. Like adding the egg AFTER the dry and wet ingredients have been mixed. I would assume I would just add the egg to the liquid-y stuff. I also underlined "greased" where ever it was written. I had to grease a bowl-see peach bowl in picture- and flip the dough over to grease both sides. Greasing, that's a step I usually discover AFTER I've already put something in a container.
I've made boule bread an
d the rising part isn't overly important and I never had to knead it. I did need to knead this bread; it was fun! Then I put it by a register in my bathroom, COVERED, and closed the door. That was the warmest place in the house.
After baking for 30 minutes the smell in th
e house was DIVINE. My kids were outside playing and when they came in my daughter was dazzled by the smell. I warned her of some of the ingredients. She didn't care. The smell was too intoxicating! I pulled the loaf pan out of the oven and brushed it with butter and sprinkled it with kosher salt. The recipe called for coarse salt. I think it's the same?
We lightly buttered the slices. I had the end pieces and they were just fantastic.
This was to be my treat for the Super Bowl instead of the usual munchie snacks. I didn't intend to watch the game- it's the ONE thing I can't stand doing with my husband. He has been a Steelers' fan ever since I have known him, as was my mother. He gets so emotional about what happens on the field and uses language that he NEVER utters at any other time. The kids and I went to another room and watched Despicable Me again. (I never tire of that movie.) We go through this all season. I would like to see the Steelers win, also, but I don't really care if they don't. It just doesn't affect my life in any way. It would make Tim much easier to live with if they- the Steelers- didn't flub up so much and wait until the end to pull out a win! But back to the bread...
There were some surprise ingredients in there: cottage cheese. It called for cream-style cottage cheese. Hmmmm. I searched 3 stores and none had "cream style." So I opted for small curd and liquified them in the blender. Another surprise ingredient was minced onion. I had some, but never used them much. So I was a bit concerned and under-measured those a tiny bit. Third, sugar. Other than zucchini or banana bread I don't think I've ever seen sugar added to bread. But it definitely couldn't hurt. Finally, though not a surprise, was the dill. I love dill. I've tried to grow dill. I have a Ranch Oyster Cracker recipe that calls for dill. It just adds something unusual but satisfying to a recipe.
I've started a new habit when trying new recipes: I circle things I would otherwise do improperly. Like adding the egg AFTER the dry and wet ingredients have been mixed. I would assume I would just add the egg to the liquid-y stuff. I also underlined "greased" where ever it was written. I had to grease a bowl-see peach bowl in picture- and flip the dough over to grease both sides. Greasing, that's a step I usually discover AFTER I've already put something in a container.
I've made boule bread an
After baking for 30 minutes the smell in th
We lightly buttered the slices. I had the end pieces and they were just fantastic.
Today's Moral:
Don't give up. Be aware of your usual mistakes and don't make them again.
The results could be delicious.
Don't give up. Be aware of your usual mistakes and don't make them again.
The results could be delicious.
Hormonally yours,
Peg
Peg
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