What Does Gay Mean?

"What does gay mean?" my 9-year old daughter just asked me. I said it depends on how it's used. Use it in a sentence. "Some kids at school say Justin Beaver is gay."

Let's go back 90 minutes. We went to Pizza Hut because Sarah had a Book-It pizza slip she was in the mood to use. On the table there were a couple games to play to pass the time. One game was to name 3 things in 5 seconds. One was name 3 pets you would not like to have. Another was name 3 states that border the Pacific Ocean. I asked my husband Name 3 Rappers. I was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to name one. But before he even opened his mouth Sarah yelled, "Justin Beaver!" I furrowed my brow and asked, "What did you say?" Again she said, "Justin Beaver." I looked at Tim and snickered. I explained that I didn't think he was a rapper and was pretty sure his name was Justin Bieber.

Well, at home, Sarah and I were in the living room; Sarah playing on her new DSi and I reading Entertainment Weekly. Out of the blue she asks this blog's title question. After she used it in the sentence I said when people use "gay" that way they think they're insulting someone. She then asked if it meant he goes out with other boys. I said yes. It's probably meant to say Justin Bieber is not very macho.

My daughter is much more knowledgeable than I give her credit for...last Saturday night when my friend, Julie, and I went to see The Kids Are Alright I called a new babysitter, Olivia. When I told the kids who would be watching them Jacob, 5, asked, "Who's Olivia?" And Sarah goes, "She's hot." I laughed and told Sarah that girls don't usually call other girls "hot." Sarah reponded, "But she is! I know boys would say that about girls."

I think I was more disturbed by her use of the word "hot." (I think of Paris Hilton when I hear "hot" used that way---not a role model I'd choose for my child.) Sarah's been trying out a few new words lately. She's been using the word "sucker" frequently. I just asked her to try not to say that. It just sounds so trashy. But then again I'm a word-bully. I'm currently trying to get my kids to say,"affirmative" instead of yeah/yes and "prognosis negative" when their answer is no. So I don't know how fired up I should get about their vocabulary choice.

Back to the title topic. I was hoping to put off conversations like this for a few more years. Sarah has asked if she can marry her dad or her brother. Those questions were easy enough to answer without much detail. Jacob has more questions about babies and if it hurts to have them cut from the belly. I finally just said it's more natural for babies to come out where girls pee. Oddly, or maybe not, he seemed more squeamish by the belly cut then the other baby-delivery route.

I don't think I even knew what "gay" meant when I was in high school.

Justin Beaver

The Funny Pages Aren't Necessarily the Comics

A few months back I saw the most hilarious article in my hometown newspaper. (See clip above. If you click on it it's big enough to easily read.) Even rereading it today makes me laugh. He wasn't trying to resuscitate a fresh possum, but a 'long-dead opussum.' Oh, how I wish I could have seen this. This was a local (western PA) story. I wasn't terribly surprised by this story, just highly amused. Today's paper featured a story about a Wisconsin man shooting his TV. This is in The Derrick today- page 16. Maybe you can read it at http://www.thederrick.com/ The headline reads, Wisonsin man accused of shooting TV over Palin dance number (That is one long headline.)

Steven Cowan, 67, came home from a bar, had a beer with dinner then sat down with his wife to watch "Dancing with the Stars." ( A reality show meant to get your inner fire roaring.) When Bristol Palin began her routine the man, " jumped up and began swearing..." He left the room and "reappeared 20 minutes later with his shotgun, 'raging with his face bright red, and blasted the TV.'" I don't know exactly why I find this so funny. I suspect its the use of the word "blasted." But he then tells his wife to go "fetch" his pistols. Good Lord, what's he going to do with the pistols??? I imagine an old cabinet TV with a big, jagged, black hole where the picture screen once was. Is he going to use a pistol on the big ceramic rooster clock atop the TV? [The following is verbatim from the article.] According to the criminal complaint, Steven Cowan's daughter recently took away his handguns for safekeeping. It did not elaborate. " He scared the bejebees out of me," she told detectives. ---I'm pretty sure it's the daughter's "bejebees" word choice that's funny. I don't think I've ever seen that word in The Derrick.

The wife told officers that about 15 years ago her husband had threatened her with a machete when he couldn't find some ammunition and threatened to shoot one of their cows. ---Now, was he looking for ammunition to shoot one of the cows or was he just so mad he was going to "blast" a cow because of the missing ammunition? I just snorted as I wrote that. Obviously this man has some mental health issues and possibly the wife does, too, if she offered this story with no "I should have left him then" comment.

The Possum CPR story is still funnier, hands down. but this one has some chuckle charm.

Are We Better Off Ted?

I have a love/hate relationship with TV. Certain shows I love and most of the rest I hate. I read Entertainment Weekly and one of the things that annoys me about [entertainment magazines] is that I always feel they're trying to tell me what I should watch and what I shouldn't based on one or two critic/journalists' opinion. Sometimes they get it right- like Modern Family a delightful show- and sometimes the get it wrong- Hawaii Five-0. (Sorry, I watched the first show and liked it until the female detective character was introduced. And I don't think it was HER so much as her dialogue.) One show I had seen mentioned in EW was Better Off Ted. It was labeled a good show that no one was watching. They said the same thing about Arrested Development. Tried to watch that and just didn't like it. Well...

Being in charge of the Fundraisers at my daughters school sometimes includes lengthy, tedious tasks that I can do while watching TV. So I went to Netflix- which I love- and watched the first episode of Better Off Ted. It still makes me laugh thinking about it. Now, what made me chuckle in this first show was a bit of a steal from a Seinfeld show. [When Jerry ended up with Kramer's blood and then ultimately Newman's for a transfusion and he screams, then Kramer screams, then Newman screams. Still gets a LOL from me. I've noticed a few Seinfeld steals lately in shows.] I continued to watch and must say I've never been disappointed by one episode and I'm almost through season one. Ted, played by Jay Harrington, is IMO the perfect character. You can't help but like this guy. I've never seen him in anything else and this role seems tailor made for him. Portia de Rossi is perfect as his unscrupulous, soul-less boss. The two inept but genius scientists are played to perfection, also. It is certainly not politically correct but that's the premise of the whole show.

Today's moral of the blog: What you read, including this, is not the gospel truth. Just one person's opinion. Be open to trying new things and forming your own judgements. You'll be glad you did.

Long Time, No Movie

Well, my friend Julie and I went on a "date" last night to see a lesbian movie. I put date in quotes because that was her word. Her husband, who wasn't invited, noted her word-choice and ribbed her about it. The movie was The Kids Are Alright and it was showing (for free) at our local college campus, where my friend is currently attending. Julie had asked me a few weeks ago---while picking up my daughter at HER daughter's birthday slumber party--- to keep this night open to see it. I was surprised she wanted to see this movie. We didn't have time to discuss it any further. I had read reviews of it and knew it was probably going to have some Oscar nominations in its future so I was more than willing to see it. We usually chat at our Monday yoga class but she had missed the last two sessions and so I never heard what had drawn her to this movie. We were the first to arrive at the mini-theater and I discovered she thought this was a comedy. It was mildly amusing...but also poignant and thought-provoking.

I'll say this right out: I have no interest in what someone's sexual preference is. I don't judge anyone. I may be mildly curious about how one's life unfolds with someone of the same gender. But I feel it is not a choice but an inborn trait that cannot be vanquished. So I was wildly- I WAS going to write "mildly"- surprised when one female partner cheated on her mate with a man. I think that will be fodder for those who are homophobic and believe it is just people choosing that lifestyle. While the women in the movie chose to give birth to children through artificial insemination, they each used sperm from the same donor. This made their children biologically half-siblings. I think that is a good idea. What is thought-provoking is these children, now teens, wanted to contact their donor father. This is what makes the whole story for this movie. This is just one instance and of course the whole situation is contrived but what about those sperm-donor kids who do go looking for their bio dads and find them entirely reprehensible? How would that make that child feel? Would they worry that they could become like that person? Can nurture overcome nature? I certainly don't have the answers but I think those are points that prospective parents might consider.

The movie was so poignant because the love of parents for their kids was so apparent and embarrassing. Just as it truly is and should be.

The ending was terrible. Julie and I both felt the SD (sperm-donor) dad got a raw deal. The kids brought him into their lives and then deserted him. Mark Ruffalo was the SD dad and he was very convincing. Julie was a fan of his. I could only think of one other movie I'd seen him in (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). I just added some of his movies to my Netflix queue.

Now some more delightful movie news: They are going to make a big screen remake of Dark Shadow and Barnabas Collins is going to be played by...Johnny Depp. When I told my hubby they were making a remake I asked him to guess who would portray Barnabas. His response was, 'the guy who played Snape.' I scoffed, but thought, you know, Alan Rickman WOULD be a good vampire! I think Tim had Harry Potter on the brain. He and our 9-year old plan to see The Deathly Hallows Part 1 at the theater when it opens. I refuse. I'm a HUGE fan of the books and NO fan of the movies. I've seen---and we own---them all. But the last movie just killed my interest in them. I understand they can't put in everything from the book, but why add things that didn't happen in the book and adds nothing to the progression of the story? That really ticks me off.

On the subject of movies made from books I just watched The Golden Compass the other night/morning. (Couldn't sleep so the movie entertained me from 12:30- 2:00.) I read all three of Philip Pullman's books a few years back and was excited when a movie was being made. Then the reviews were mostly negative. I hope they ignore the critics and make the next two books into movies because the first one was a pretty dang good. I can't remember specific details from the books but the feeling from the movie reminded me of the feeling I had while reading the books.

The "Fat" Question

Well, my five-year old son threw me for a loop this morning when I pulled out his winter coat for the first time for him to wear to preschool. He put it on, zipped it, then asked,"Do I look fat in this?" It was a thick down jacket, and yes, he looked fatter than when he was NOT wearing it, but I'm not sure why he asked this question.

I do not think I have EVER asked this of anyone in my house. Before my husband and I were married we agreed on certain things I would prefer not to discuss with him. One of those things was my weight. And like a true gentleman, he has never remarked in any way but complimentary about my appearance. Sometimes he stays silent, but that is acceptable. We have very different tastes.

Now, my children, on the other hand are brutally honest. My son asked me, very innocently, to 'move my big butt,' one day. OK. After dropping 25 pounds recently he's now announced I no longer have the biggest butt in the house. Daddy does. I hate to say it, but that's very satisfying to know. He would even bring out a tape measure to be "accurate."

I just remembered...he had a buttock photo fetish, too. He was forever snapping pictures of butts! (Digital cameras have really raised the level of picture taking to an art! LOL) I printed one pic of my tuckus, put it in a frame and left it on his dresser. He was so mortified. Then he put it on his sister's dresser. (She contributed to his buttocks obsession by taking photographs of her grandpa's rear.) so she may have deserved the butt picture on her dresser, too.

The picture finally ended up on their dad's bedside table where it still remains.

A Good Writer's Block?

It occurred to me the other day while I was on a walk that what authors write in their fiction stories may cause friction in their everyday lives. I've never written an adult fiction story but I have written some children's stories with my daughter and son and have some ideas for picture books I would also like to write and illustrate. In those stories my kids had a role. There could be no doubt they were part of the story. Things they did or said were included in the stories. I only recently thought about developing a mature novel. (I wanted to write "adult novel" but that sounded pornographic.) This is mainly because on reaching middle age I've started to reflect on my past and have started to revise bygone situations more to my liking. This should be harmless. No one yet can see inside my head to know what I'm thinking. But taking it a step beyond the brain and recording it on paper/monitor makes it "real." The friction begins when said spouse believes what is written is the truth, not merely a more interesting version of it.

I wonder how many romance novel authors get divorces because of what they've described in a steamy love scene? Is what they're describing what they're experiencing? If yes, then the spouse may feel pride in the description. If no, what are they supposed to feel? Humility?

I read The Divine Comedy several years ago and it always amused me how Dante Alighieri would put contemporaries in various levels of hell! I thought that was a funny prank to play on ass-ociates. But from my new point of view he must have pissed off a lot of people. And how did those folks in hell feel when they read the book? How about members of their family? Did they chuckle? Did they stew and carry a grudge? Everyone now and at the time understands it was a work of fiction. But still, to be publicly pilloried by an acquaintance? That's problematic.

So now considering what I would write in a story I'm curious how much is actual nonfiction in others' writing??? I used to encourage my students to "write what they know." I KNOW my husband would be suspicious. I think he is curious about my relationships prior to our first date. I was very lucky to have dated gentlemen ( yes, even at age 15-21 they were courteous.) who treated me with the utmost decency. I wouldn't change a thing about any of those relationships, even in my imagination.

In 23 years I've never given my husband any reason to BE suspicious. I've never been tempted to change a thing about our lives together. (Warning: the following is a reference to Stephanie Meyers' Twilight Saga.) Honestly, he IS my Edward Cullen. I never met anyone who I could imagine loving or wanting more. But Middle Age does funny things to people. I actually GET why people do weird things to recapture their youth, And though I still don't have any desire for anyone but Tim, a Jacob Black, from across the ocean, has crept into my thoughts. And it's this untested relationship (from exactly 2 decades ago!) that has me creating a story that absolutely did not happen! And it boils down to if I had been the person I am today- 20 years ago, and taken those risks I backed away from then, how would my life be different? That would be the fictional story. For the time being I prefer vampires over werewolves without a doubt. For the sake of my beloved maybe a writer's block should be instituted.

Big Brother Is Watching

I'm definitely channeling my mother. I don't let my 5-year or 9-year old watch regular TV shows. They watch an hour of PBS and The Clone Wars on Friday night. [TCW is thanks to my hubby.] They are allowed to watch DVDs. I'm opposed to regular TV mostly because of the ads. (There really isn't much on between 7-9pm that is child appropriate, either.) And not so much the adds for stuff but the adds for other shows that are on TV. Thankfully neither child complains because they've never known anything different. But how long can I protect them? And from what exactly am I protecting them? My mother was protecting our virgin eyes and ears and I think I'm trying to do something similar. I feel like I'm alone in my views.

At a party the other day I asked how old children should be when they get their first cell phone. I'd already had this discussion with my daughter when SHE asked me this. My reply was when she could afford to pay the monthly bill that came along with the phone. I was surprised at how young some of the other mothers' kids were when they first got a cell phone. I have a real problem with cell phones in the hands of adolescents. I don't think most kids have any idea of the repercussions of sharing an innocent/sinister picture of an embarrassing moment.

When I was in high school I was on the basketball team. It took quite a while for me to be comfortable even disrobing in front of other females much less showering with them. Then there was an incident involving some boys peering through open windows in the locker room after a practice. I was mortified! Now anyone can snap a picture at anytime. And once that picture is posted there's no removing from someone's brain. The utter lack of privacy is frightening. And I truly believe there is a connection between what kids are seeing on TV through "reality" shows, that allow cameras to view what should be extremely private moments, and what they choose to photograph and post online. It's funny how often I have these thoughts and an article in the Discover magazine supports my fears.

Discover asked a number of scientists where they thought science may take us in the next 30 years. Sherry Turkle, "a professor of the social studies of science at MIT," said it so perfectly. "We need to reclaim our private spaces." This generation believes that their privacy will be compromised but also believes that's the "cost of doing business in their world." So all the surveillance cameras, satellite photos, GPS and Loopt (I'd never heard of this but its an app for your phone which allows your friends to locate you wherever you are.) are not feared but cheered! It's so easy to see the convenience of these gadgets but is that what we really want? Big Brother IS watching, along with your best friends, acquaintances, colleagues...etc. For those of us who read Orwell's 1984 a few years BEFORE it was 1984 never considered this kind of constant benign(?) scrutiny possible.

I understand the entertainment value of Facebook and Twitter. I do enjoy reading about what people I know are doing. I don't post or read posts as much as I initially did. I realized that some thoughts should be kept private or blogged- where people who are truly interested can read them without taking offense.

I would love to get a Master's degree in Teen Privacy Issues and develop an educational course to restore independent thought. It's time to start considering career paths...my 5-year old will be starting school next year. I'm not sure I want to go back to the elementary school teacher role. My 11 years were so much fun but I feel...older...and should do something more philanthropic. Hopefully as I write more often I'll discover a direction to go.