What Does Gay Mean?

"What does gay mean?" my 9-year old daughter just asked me. I said it depends on how it's used. Use it in a sentence. "Some kids at school say Justin Beaver is gay."

Let's go back 90 minutes. We went to Pizza Hut because Sarah had a Book-It pizza slip she was in the mood to use. On the table there were a couple games to play to pass the time. One game was to name 3 things in 5 seconds. One was name 3 pets you would not like to have. Another was name 3 states that border the Pacific Ocean. I asked my husband Name 3 Rappers. I was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to name one. But before he even opened his mouth Sarah yelled, "Justin Beaver!" I furrowed my brow and asked, "What did you say?" Again she said, "Justin Beaver." I looked at Tim and snickered. I explained that I didn't think he was a rapper and was pretty sure his name was Justin Bieber.

Well, at home, Sarah and I were in the living room; Sarah playing on her new DSi and I reading Entertainment Weekly. Out of the blue she asks this blog's title question. After she used it in the sentence I said when people use "gay" that way they think they're insulting someone. She then asked if it meant he goes out with other boys. I said yes. It's probably meant to say Justin Bieber is not very macho.

My daughter is much more knowledgeable than I give her credit for...last Saturday night when my friend, Julie, and I went to see The Kids Are Alright I called a new babysitter, Olivia. When I told the kids who would be watching them Jacob, 5, asked, "Who's Olivia?" And Sarah goes, "She's hot." I laughed and told Sarah that girls don't usually call other girls "hot." Sarah reponded, "But she is! I know boys would say that about girls."

I think I was more disturbed by her use of the word "hot." (I think of Paris Hilton when I hear "hot" used that way---not a role model I'd choose for my child.) Sarah's been trying out a few new words lately. She's been using the word "sucker" frequently. I just asked her to try not to say that. It just sounds so trashy. But then again I'm a word-bully. I'm currently trying to get my kids to say,"affirmative" instead of yeah/yes and "prognosis negative" when their answer is no. So I don't know how fired up I should get about their vocabulary choice.

Back to the title topic. I was hoping to put off conversations like this for a few more years. Sarah has asked if she can marry her dad or her brother. Those questions were easy enough to answer without much detail. Jacob has more questions about babies and if it hurts to have them cut from the belly. I finally just said it's more natural for babies to come out where girls pee. Oddly, or maybe not, he seemed more squeamish by the belly cut then the other baby-delivery route.

I don't think I even knew what "gay" meant when I was in high school.

Justin Beaver